who died last minute?

I am lamenting ! Indeed I am, You will have to trust me on this. Last minute a part of me died again. There is nothing new about this but the question I am going to put, is new for me. Did I add any part to myself after the death of one? This is a perfectly logical question and within the confines of laws of nature – Something dies and evolution makes sure that there is something to take it’s place.
The moot point is what is it that is now living inside me in the barter? Pain, more pain, anger, jealousy or the will to live? Now this leads to one more question, who is the real me? The one that is dying every minute or the one that is coming alive? Utter confusion, no connection but connection, we must find. Centuries men have grappled with questions like these and contributed to the advancement of human civilization. I claim or desire to do no such thing.
Back to the point now (lest it becomes too late). I think I am adding so called worldly wisdom and becoming more and more closed after every incident like this. When I look deep within myself , I realize that I am loosing more of what is pure within me, simple values and trust for fellow travelers on this earth on the journey called Life. Now I am left wondering when do I die more? When I add worldly wisdom or when I feel dejected, hurt and pained by the actions of people I Love? Confusion ,more confusion! Where is the fisherman, where is the shepherd?
Why should I feel hurt and dejected in the first place? Why in heaven’s name am I Looking for some shepherd? I look towards all the great man that have come before me on this earth and find that the only difference between us is that they lived in simpler times and they became great centuries after their death. I somehow feel no hatred or anger against people but just get immune to them and that is what I am worried about or should I actually worry about in the first place. The answer lies somewhere in between. I am what I am, I will be what I will be.
I am more living while I am giving. I die the moment I expect people to appreciate what I am doing for them. Then the bigger question is whether I should anything out of Pity at all or continue to do things if i like them. Pity, for all the reasons of the world( in it's favour) is something i find myself unable to show. It kills the beautiful I could have created .
Pity thwarts the whole law of evolution, which is the law of natural selection. It preserves whatever is ripe for destruction; it fights onthe side of those disinherited and condemned by life; by maintaining life in so many of the botched of all kinds, it gives life itself a gloomy and dubious aspect." Mankind has ventured to call pity a virtue (--in every _superior_ moral system it appears as a weakness--); going still further, it has been called the virtue, the source and foundation of all other virtues--but let us always bear in mind that this was from the standpoint of a philosophy that was nihilistic, and upon whose shield the denial of life was inscribed."
The pure soul is a pure lie.... So long as the priest, that professional denier, calumniator and poisoner of life, is accepted as a higher variety of man, there can be no answer to the question, What is truth? Truth has already been stood on its head when the obvious attorney of mere emptiness is mistaken for its representative....
Coming back to the original argument, I guess the part of me that stays is the end to the evolution of Life. men is the final specie. The weak must die otherwise the decadence would set in. Man could have become ‘God’ but something brought him down. May be, his desire to be God. lets seek the answers !!!!

Dawn of despair

I would like to acknowledge the inspiration from Jim Morisson for this piece of poetry.I read a couple of lines by him in a news paper article - namely the first 2 lines.


The velvet fur of religion, Polished Knife handle and the coin,
Soft chuckle of Kids in the foreground, Soliloques of the Spider king,
Life Flowing out of the veins, behold she walks the aisle to the Priest,
Hallucinations, No, No Dreams and they do turn true.
I swear I heard her say, “I Do”.
Cool March noon, Couples naked, rush to the water,
Like Mad, Obsessed, driven by some Culpability,
Deep breathe before the Plunge.
The Graveyard, the tombstone, the gloom stone and the rune stone,
Looks like another devil dies, the sun and Moon waiting,
In the deep Southern nights for mating.
Rub-Rub the Silver coin,
The one I gave you, The Voice comes from faraway,
Waiting to be born, out of Love or Despair?
You seem to be Comfortable in your skin,
Devoid of any feeling of guilt or Sin,
Laid some Nymph, Ploughed your seed through her Soul?
Don’t bank on it, anyone can own it whole,
Your love doesn’t spread, before being mendacious she doesn’t even turn red.
Saw the God begging her to marry him, behold she Slides out of Bed,
Spurns him over, “Don’t love you anymore”.
Walks with the Silver Coin, Kicking him in the Loin,
Tree sway and waste forever, Life flows out of Veins,
Draining all the accumulated pains.
A message has been sent to the heart of brain, Please Freeze,
Don’t let him die on us, “For Godsake, He is God”.
“He, of all, shd have known, free will can’t be Paired,
With Subjugation and someone else’s yearning”.
“What you say is all fair, I deserve this,
Greatest cannibal of all.”
Some tired future,
Let me sleep, I Can’t let off the disease.
Love has poisoned my soul,
“See, The God” gasp for air,
Believe me when I say it is the Dawn of Despair.

India! The land of innovation...

I have spent almost all of my education life living in boarding schools and college hostels. This can be looked in two ways – It helped me become very self reliant, independent and secondely not afraid of failures and compulsive risk taker.
I started my professional career with ‘Gillette India Ltd ’.A company which taught me a lot in terms of systems, procedures and execution of plans. I joined Philips in the month of January ’01 as ‘Area sales executive’. I again worked in Rural India and also worked in Metros like Delhi handling sales for Consumer electronics products – mainly audio and color television ..Being apart of Philips GSM team I learnt how powerful a role mobile phone has played in the life of rural India. In a country as diverse(7600 dialects),majority of population still lives in villages (roughly 70%),earns less than $3 a day how do you run a business and make money too.
Let me give an example , India has the world’s cheapest telecommunication services, yet it purchases same equipment from same 5 worldwide vendors, and any one from the Telecom Industry will tell you, the operating costs are insignificant to the capital equipment, and depreciation .Yes, Indian companies are making profits. Now you can make a call across India in just Rs 1. Revenue from other services (content download etc) is less than 4 %.
Now I can safely say that they do work and money can be made serving the lower part of the pyramid too, where majority of Indian families live – roughly 150 Mln households. Only point to note is that they earn roughly $2 a day in most of the cases .They are very brand conscious and cheap quality will never be accepted. Growth of Philips in the past 2 years stands testimony to our learning and proof that money can be made and western solutions of products and business models will not work in India.
We have the largest middle class in the world and growing fast enough to overtake majority of European economies in the next 1-2 years (we may have to change the base of GDP though). Urban India which is spending more and more on consumer goods but in the end is saving enough to put country’s saving rate at over 22% (unusual for a country so poor), is connected but in the end wants value for money.
India manages to have hospitals run on shoe string budgets, charge people practically nothing but run profitably (Narayan Hridyalaya,Arvind eye hospital). In fact, US is struggling to learn this model of healthcare.
India manages to create software that is order of magnitude cheaper than its counterparts in US (like, IBM, PwC, etc) and please do not get carried away at the difference in manpower costing - it represents something like 12% of the total project cost, so even if
US is at one extreme of 12%, and India is FREE, the cost differential would be in that order of magnitude, It’s not so in reality, it’s about 100% cheaper. (Please refer to the balance sheet of Adobe - its on net - the total manpower costs is 11.76% of the gross revenue, of Infosys its just 16%)
India has lowest cost airplane flights - and that is achieved by taking planes on lease that cost the same as anywhere else in the world, and yet are running very profitably...
We have innovated interesting business models. We do not need patent protection for ingenious technologies, because our expertise lies in creating that wafer thin efficient but sustainable business model that just can not be even thought of anywhere else in the
world. We need protection for these business models may be - but that is a separate subject.
We have innovated many other aspects of life - we do not have the excessive, iron clad declaration of various legal options - thanks to our slow judiciary (sorry, cant avoid being cynical here though un-intended), we have a system that allows a doctor to cure a patient for mere Rs. 50/- (Us $1.xx) - this would be unthinkable purely due to malpractice insurance fees that a doctor has to worry about in US, or other countries. In India, we do not have strongly enforced minimum wages - so we can actually employ a domestic help
and a driver - these luxuries are unthinkable for a middle class family in most developed nations. And these drivers and maids also eke out a living. They create lesser social unrest. If you analyse this, it’s just a very interesting restricted application of commercial laws - and I tend to think, is a great innovation. We, however, manage to enforce the minimum wages on the industry sector fairly comprehensively - there is always 5-10% disobedience, but that is true anywhere in the world.
I know the post is getting a bit long, but cant resist one last example - Bombay has 1,37,000 registered shops, with only ten percent having a PC to run a complicated inventory system - and most of these are profitable - I secured figures for the S&E Act
returns. The rest 90% is running a shop very smoothly, without any bar code, any PC, any complicated satellite hooked device that uploads its inventory position directly to the supplier - In India, a phone call is enough to do that.
I think India as the future of innovative thinking in business and social applications, and I am certain that one major reason why US worries about China/India is because of the fact that we have managed to run a fairly decent social system, with its moles and warts, at a fraction of cost of the so called the advanced societies, and thus have managed to prevent from being on the brink of social collapse that US is fearing (think New Orleans), or France/Britain are going through already . We are innovative, entrepreneurial, hungry for better life, and actually happier in our cumulative existence. Yet, we remain practical; we have a balance of skepticism towards products without applications,
and we make money enough to provide an average living to a billion plus people.
In the end I understand that the growth in this country, unlike China is internal consumption driven, wherein in China’s case it is export driven .My learning of India being unique, can’t be compared with China , will require unique solutions and I am certain we are fully capable of doing that and already doing it :-)

Islam! What makes it tick?

I know,I am choosing the most non- politically correct topic possible in a Secular and liberal world.I am slowly coming around the view that the so called intellectual and liberal elite whether they are in India, continental Europe or US find it very uncomfortable to speak and talk about. They keep on talking about the values like, Equality,Right of freedom of speech, Religion and so on and so forth, However they are also dumbfounded to explain the phenomenon called Islam. I keep on watching Liberal, left influenced intelligentsia, I mean the likes of Barkha dutt secularists so passionately take the topic of perceived or real discrimination against Muslims.
I recently read a topic on Hindu woman marrying muslim man and the columnist was heaping praise on their courage. What and absurd topic and think of a newspapers like Times of India to publish it. How many Muslim woman marry in other religions and why they force the man to convert? If the relationship is based on Love then what does it need apart from that? One thing I want to say that these Liberals are speaking all this only in secular and predominantly non muslim countries and instead of thanking the majority they keep on spewing anger against the minority treatment. Muslims also, see al this closely and talk about the freedom of speech and religion in secular and liberal democracies but surprisingly they forget about all these values in islamic countries - Saudi or pakistan or even Malaysia. Not her religion can have a Temple, Church, Synagogue In Arab world.
The danger which the masses in Europe have woken up to now is real. Still i would add the danger is not from Islamists, It is from the liberal intellectuals.
It is indeed funny that the new found oil wealth of Arab world is bailing out European and American banks and organizations. They have the money and as per the last estimate Saudi investment in US economy is staggering $900 billion, That is around 8%+ of American GDP. Even more funnier is that an Athiest like me is talking about Religion. The reason for me to write is that in my quest to understand Religions i found Islam one of the most mystical. I just cant expalin the phenomenon why so many people are willing to kill others.
There is no wonder the religions of the world are called faith as they are based on gullibility and illogic so they dont want people to question them. I find that an insult to my intelligence, anyway the topic is islam and i have some questions today hope somebody hasthe answers.
Ever since the Attack on America on September 11, 2001, we have heard a never-ending chorus of voices from government, academia, and the media assuring us that the Islamic terrorists who attacked the Trade Towers and the Pentagon are not repre­sentative of “true Islam.” We have been likewise assured by spiritual leaders — even some Christian spokesmen — that Islam is a religion of peace, and that Muslims worship the same God as Christians and Jews.

“Our war is not against Islam,” we have been told repeatedly. “Our war is against terrorism.”

Central Questions
Well, what about it?

Are Muslims the spiritual brothers and sisters of Christians and Jews?
Do we all worship the same God?
Are the Islamic holy scriptures, known as the Koran, inspired by God?
Is Islam another path to God by which one can attain eternal life?
Are the Islamic fundamentalists representative of true Islam, or are they a terrible aberration of an otherwise peace-loving religion?
Is our war really a political one against international terrorists, or is it a spiritual battle against a demonic, intolerant, militant, and imperialistic religion known as Islam?
An Historical Perspective on Islam
Let’s begin our consideration of these questions with some historical background.
Muhammad, the man who dictated the Koran and gave birth to Islam, was born in Mecca in the Saudi Arabian peninsula in 570 A.D. His father died before he was born, and his mother died when he was six years old. He was raised first by a grand father and later by an uncle.
Muhammad was illiterate throughout his life. Until the age of 25 he worked in caravans. During his extensive travels, he encountered many Christians and Jews. Through his conversations with them, he picked up bits and pieces of both Judaism and Christianity.
His life was radically changed at age 25 when he met a wealthy widow 40 years old who fell in love with him. Their marriage enabled Muhammad to live a life of leisure from that point on.
Muhammad’s Call
Fifteen years after his marriage, at age 40, Muhammad had a visitation from a spirit. Supposedly, this spirit told him that he was called of God to be a “prophet” and an “apostle.” It is in teresting to note that there was no tradition in Arabian religions of either prophets or apostles. These terms were obviously used by Muhammad to appeal to Jews and Christians.

Muhammad continued to have spirit visitations. They would throw him into a trance, and his utterances during the trances were written down by scribes. These ethereal statements became the Koran, but they were not compiled until after Muhammad’s death. When the compilation was made, the utterances were not organized either chronologically or by subject matter. The result was a jumble of disorganized and often incoherent sayings which are frequently contradictory.For example, the Koran1 gives four conflicting accounts of Muhammad’s call to be a prophet [the word, Sura, means chapter]:

Suras 53 and 81 — God, or Allah as he is called in Arabic, personally appeared to Muhammad.
Suras 16 and 26 — The call was from the Holy Spirit.
Sura 15 — Angels issued the call.
Sura 2 — Gabriel was the one who appeared to him.
Muhammad’s Revelations

At the time Muhammad received his initial visitation, there were over 300 gods being worshiped in Mecca by pilgrims who came there each year to pray at the Ka’aba, a small cubic building that housed a black meteorite and effigies of the various gods. One of those gods was Allah, the moon god.

Muhammad decided to proclaim that there was only one god — and he selected Allah as that god. That’s the reason the crescent moon became the symbol of Islam. Muhammad also proclaimed that he was the prophet of Allah.

Initially, Muhammad expected both Jews and Christians to receive his new revelation. Thus, early passages in the Koran speak admiringly of “the people of the Book.” These are the passages that Muslims in the West love to quote in their effort to prove that Islam is a tolerant religion. An example is Sura 5:82 which says, “You will find that those who are nearest in love to the believers [Muslims] are those who say, ‘We are Christians.’”But when Jews and Christians rejected Muhammad, he turned fiercely against them, and later passages in the Koran speak of them disparagingly:
Sura 5:51 commands Muslims not to take Jews and Christians as friends.
Sura 9:29 commands Muslims to fight against Jews and Christians until they either submit to Allah or else agree to pay a special tax.
Sura 2:65-66 and Sura 5:60 contain references to Jews as “apes and swine to be despised and rejected.” (Think of that! You can be sure that such a statement did not come from the true God of this universe who selected the Jews to be His Chosen People.)
Jews and Christians were not the only ones who rejected Muhammad’s new revelations. The people of his own tribe, the Quraysh, also rejected him. In response, Muhammad succumbed to the temptation to appease his tribe by announcing that it would be okay for them to worship the three daughters of Allah — named Al-Lat, Al-Uzza, and Ma nat.

This declaration led to the infamous “Satanic verses” of the Koran which were later deleted when Muhammad reverted back to monotheism. Muslims have tried ever since to cover-up this diversion from the faith. You may remember that in 1989 Salman Rushdie brought up this taboo topic when he wrote a novel entitled, The Satanic Verses. The Ayatollah Khomeini of Iran condemned him and called for his assassination.
The opposition to Muhammad in his home town of Mecca continued to grow until he was forced to flee 250 miles to Medina where his message was received. The Islamic calendar dates from this year when Muhammad fled to Medina and found a receptive audience, resulting in the formal establishment of Islam as a religion. It was the year 622 A.D., and that date represents year one of the Muslim calendar, which is a lunar calendar. The year 2001 is the year 1422 in the Muslim dating system.

After the death of his wife, Muhammad married at least 11 other women (some sources place the total as high as 16). He also took several concubines. He married one girl who was only six years old and had sexual relations with her when she was 9.2 According to the Koran, only the prophet could have unlimited wives. All other Muslim men are limited to four (Sura 4:3). What kind of man would do that marry a 6 year old and have sex with a 9 year old ? They are called pedophile

Muhammad died on June 8, 632 A.D. in Medina at age 63. He left no successor, and Islam soon broke into warring sects such as the Shiites and the Sunnis.
I guess the post is getting too long and the rest is history. Some day i will talk about ' Sanatan Dharma' but as of now let me hide lest some zealot announces some reward for my head.

Thank you Raj Bhaiyya... ooops ' BHAI'

It is getting funnier and baffling by the day. It is indeed shameful and hurtful to see a handful of louts holding the fabric of the country to ransom. The case in point is the stupidity being played on the streets of Mumbai. I am slowly coming around to the view that we have failed miserably as a nation state. Add to that I am really feeling bad for the great man whose 60th death anniversary we was supposed to remind us that we need to conquer the demons of our heart.

I think his relevance finished on the day India got independence. In a way we killed him that very day when the country got divided and Nehru and company killed whatever remained of his ideals when they cornered the Teen murti bhavan and Rashtrapati bhavan for themselves. We, basically have failed to become civilized humans and remain a barbaric and violent race at the end of the day. Ready to kill and ready to do anything for short term gains. Looking at the reaction of our own brethren in Mumbai, I see no reason why the Europeans or American reacting and moaning the lack of opportunities for natives.

In fact I laud them for being civilized and decent enough not to resort to this kind of madness. What to say about the role of the serving party( I hate to call them ruling party, They are elected to serve me and I pay their salaries). The home minister belongs to this state , He is the lousiest home minister in the history of this country- spineless and incapable.

What to say about the good doctor? Well, How does he sleep so well? Reluctantly though, I agree with BJP here that he is our own Lame duck PM. He has failed on every front – No major economic reform, No infrastructure project , No movement on the higher education front and internal security has been compromised so many times that I have lost count. Any Tom- dick harry can issue a fatwa, hit a woman and call for the head of Salman Rushdie.

I guess it’s time for me stop being sentimental and look at the reality. I am an alien in the very land my forefather’s shed blood for. Good, my own old man died in 1997, other wise he would written one more emotional letter to PM and would have died more dejected than he actually did. Time for me to get the citizenship of the country I Live in… atleast the hurt will be less, In case someone calls me ‘ paki’ or a ‘ Bloody Indian’.

I can really empathise with my brethren from north-east of India better. I ,now understand the pain of being an alien in one’s own country, the pain of being called a ‘Chinky’ or a Harry or a ‘Bhaiyya’. This is happening in a country where you can find people of all origins – Shaka , Huna, Mongol, Aryan, Afrikaners and jarawas. Thank you Raj ‘ Bhaiyya’ for making me realsie how alien I am …

Nano ya na Mano

Please forgive me the crazy title as i too got carried away by the hysteria generated by Ratan's baby. He truly is a 'Ratan' , those of you who don't understand the meaning, It means, Gem. However this post is not for singing peans for Ratan Tata, there are many who have been doing it with far more regularity, this post is for a far more bigger reason than many suspect. I wrote an article for my college magazine in 2004 arguing India's place as a 'Land of Innovation' and I was being laughed and lauded equally . I will reproduce my article at a later part of the blog. Today i want to raise an important issue - issue of middle class housing.

We have a number of real estate companies claiming to build new india( their market capitalisation shocks me sometimes) but i have a question. what India they are talking about? With the average cost of a 1000 sq ft house in the range of Rs40 lacs on  national average, whom are they catering? What about the Bharat? Yesterday i was horrified to see the net profit of DLF it is astounding 2700 crores on a turnover of some 4000 odd crores. This is the most profitable company in terms of profit margins. Unilever and P&G, pls take note.

Why we have no ' Ratan ' who can innovate housing and bring it down to a level where it is more affordable to the rest of 88% Indians? Why there is no body ready to bite the bullet? Again the slimy politician - He is making money through the dubious deals and with his share in real estate companies, he is ensuring there are slums on govt land suddenly and then he proposes a slum redevelopment scheme where his chosen companies make these building and the poor slum dweller gets nothing but moves to new land.

When will we get a Ratan? Can we write a note to him and tell him,' mano ya na nano ' please help 'Jeh's ' beloved India to provide dignified living. Please help the poor lady to have a bathroom so she need not take a bath in open roads of Mumbai, Please provide a roof and a door so that she need to enjoy the companionship on a heap of garbage in the open during the dark nights. If he insists that he needs to retire now as he is already hovering above 70, we must stop him from doing that. Need be, we must bring a law in parliament and make him criminal in case he thinks of retiring. Some of us have already made him so by questioning the right of middle class Indian to drive a car.It has to be the privilege of the 'arrived'.

Give anything to Men except dignity, they may not understand the gift.

Cant find the article i wrote in 2004... will try and find it.. meanwhile please help wrote a petition .... " mano ya na nano "

Happiness

What gives me happiness? Money,Gizmo's,Being with Family and friends or being alone? Do i need the money so that i can buy the gizmo's? do i need the Gizmo's as I want to escape the reality of my current life? Am i taking too pessimistic a view? Before i try and get into this, Let me try and figure the most obvious and at the same time the most profound question, What is happiness?

Is happiness a perception of reality or is it a creation of illusionary realism? what gives me happiness? Sometimes i like being sad not at my state but looking at the state of the black man begging on the streets of Chicago(secretly thanking myself that i have abed to sleep and a roof also). Sometimes sex gives me happiness and other times escaping from it gives me happiness.It means it is situational also. In that case how come people, as their first instinct put happiness and material wealth together?Watching little Adi play and dragging me to jump on the bed with him gives me so much of joy, Did i just use the word joy? why not happiness?

Confusion, No connection. When Nietzsche says ," Basically I am a sad man", he seems to be taking a particular delight in it. When someone says that he/she broke off, It is said as a symbol of relief and good riddance(publicly) in half smile but there is a tinge of sadness.

The people in my life have always complained to me about my being a loner in the crowd, aloof and some have even gone to the extent of calling 'antisocial'. for them mixing with the crowds is happiness, they seek solace in collective... " Andha andha theliya, dono koop padant".For me being part of a crowd, group, community brings sadness and bewilderment. it never brings me happiness. I have been called insane sometimes due to this nature of mine but It's my belief that insanity in individuals is rare but in groups, communities,relationships, nations, It is a rule.

On the other side, My Mac, brought me a lot of joy. Ooops i again called it joy, why not happiness? some people will tell me that joy is short term and happiness is long term but this leads to another question! have we found a way to figure out future? Do we have a source to 'Oracle'? If happiness is the goal then why do we keep on looking for short term smiles?

Nothing seems to be, what is seems to be. I am lonely but i am not alone. I am happy though b'cos it could not have been better. that looks an encouraging thought- isn't it?

The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. if you try it will be lonely often But(as my friend Mohit says) no price is high enough for the privilege of owning yourself. Sometimes being lonely also gives you happiness !!! i guess i just said it earlier also :-) I am happy

Man.Am I?

why do get so harsh on myself? why cant i have a normal life? why cant i sleep with my concience subdued? I guess this life time is not enough for me. May be someday ....
Well I am in the windy city, Snow flakes are falling like wooly cotton flakes, white as fresh death. I swear they are very white. In this "richest nation on earth", people seem to be walking in somnabulism,alone, seeking solace in material belongings. I guess i have earned the qualification to comment on the state of this nation.
I watch people hurrying home to the the security of some known smiles and warm friendly hugs. why not go back to my beloved motherland.I kept on saying this but I didn't know how far it was true, 'Every existing thing is born without reason, prolongs itself out of weakness, and dies by chance'
May be someday this questioning, constant scrutiny will also die - wither off. I sincerely hope so. I miss my country and i realise this is the dumbest race of humans you can come across. Think of a democracy where the last protest was held during Vietnam and people are afraid what the govt might do.

Out here,Everything has been figured out, except how to live.

Men who go out on ships
To escape sin & the mire of cities
watch the placenta of evening starsfrom the deck,
on their backs& cross the equator& perform rituals to exhume the dead
dangerous initiation
To mark passage to new levels
To feel on the verge of an exorcism,a rite of passageTo wait,
or seek manhood
enlightenment in a gun
Salvation in wielding power
To kill childhood,
innocencein an instant

wake up

It is funny that i am writing using these two words as the heading. Now a lot of people can argue that they are awake and very much aware and they dont need someone like me to tell them. However wake up we must, to the dangers of flawed development, education that is not able to provide living, communists, the greedy parliamentarians.democracy is in peril and we are in danger of becoming a banana republic.
I am horrified to read the reports that that we have naxalites in 150 disticts of the country. How did this happen? they were only present in 43 districts a decade back. The brazenness, lack of knowledge, education and arrogance of politicians or the flawed development. Watching news has become a heart wrenching episode - landless marching to the capital to demand their rights on the land, Governemt does not even have the time to speak to them. 100's of thousands marched, hungry and tired.
yesterday the ' Adivasis' are beaten on the streets of Guwahati,police is watching. I am ashamed to be called an Indian.What was the freedom for? did the freedom happen for these guys. They should have the first right on the land ( forest) their forefathers have lived for centuries.
I have a question? Can we sleep easy after watching all this? Why patriotism has become the baby of the lower class? Why none of these politicians send their kids to army anymore? why we become patriotic in times of war only? Is helping shape the future of fellow indians not our duty? Till when we continue to wait for a leader instead of these demi gods? Till when we wait for the government to do everything?
Are we questioning enough? Are we filing enough applications through RTI? Are we doing enough?
Service chiefs are scanned on the airports and these louts( MP and ministers) are exempted! Service chiefs are good enough to save the country but not good to be trusted that they wont carry bombs on flights on the other hand our ministers are allowed freedom to carry their illgotten wealthe on flights without check.There is a genocide in Nandigram and perpetuated by the so called left intellectuals.policeis ordered to standon the periphery and watch scores of Communist bastards roaming with their guns and sticks and raping woman.wake up and do your bit.
We are tax payers and we have every right to find whatis happening to the surcharge i pay on petrol,for education , for roads.
Are you awake? if not, then Wake up !!!

I am overfed

The city basked in lights,
all decked up, unsure ,fumbling,secretly excited new bride,
cynosure of all eyes,touched, cleaned and rinsed.
The crockery looks new - polished.
Looks like family outing, Picnic for the nation.
" Can you buy me a bread? my kids are hungry."Who disturbs this nation's dream walk into the echeleons of a bright future?
I follow the frail hands to the owner, Sunken cheeks, long proud nose, Kid wraped around his waist, flowing nose.
Who si this urchin? perhaps a villager displaced by an eveil landlord, drought, famine ... ummmm may be flood. I dont know any other reason.
I shrugged and gave him five ruppees. Kid looks at my plate,perplexed at what I eat?
The man returns the money and again asks for bread," cant buy anything in this money!"
Who is this soul? The nation has moved beyond him. The umblical cord is cut, the nation recognises him no more.
Now i see, he si the abondened child of development.
Bright beautiful lights, all decked up,unsure ,fumbling,secretly excited new bride,
cynosure of all eyes,touched, cleaned and rinsed.
The crockery looks new - polished.
" I am tired of overeating " need to loose weight.
The nation has moved ahead.

Random moorings

Granted that we want thetruth: WHY NOT rather untruth? And uncertainty? Even ignorance?The problem of the value of truth presented itself before us--or was it we who presented ourselves before the problem? Which of us is the Oedipus here? Which the Sphinx? It would seem to be a rendezvous of questions and notes of interrogation.

"HOW COULD anything originate out of its opposite? Forexample, truth out of error? or the Will to Truth out of the willto deception? or the generous deed out of selfishness? or thepure sun-bright vision of the wise man out of covetousness.things of the highest value must have a different origin, an origin of THEIR own--in this transitory, seductive,illusory, paltry world, in this turmoil of delusion and cupidity,they cannot have their source. But rather in the lap of Being, inthe intransitory, in the concealed God, in the 'Thing-in-itself--THERE must be their source, and nowhere else!"--

If i take this logic a little forward make a more understandable statement , Can love be born out of hatred? Off late i am reading alot of Philosophy and as usual, I land up analysing the philossphers themselves. What do they seek? Truth ? Suppose for a moment truth is a woman,everyone, I mean every single living soul has been describing her as per their own encounters with her, yet they continue to claim none of the man understand them. It is indeed strange so many years of Vedanta philosophy( 10K years at the very least) we still struggle to see it and understand her. So i presume that at best the philossophies are opinions - every finite point point needs an infinite reference point so we have philosophy.

"The falseness of an opinion is not for us any objection to it:it is here." The question is, how far an opinion is life-furthering, life-preserving, species-preserving, perhaps species-rearing, and weare fundamentally inclined to maintain that the falsest opinions, are the most indispensable to us, that without a recognition of logical fictions, without a comparison of reality with the purelyIMAGINED world of the absolute and immutable, without a constant counterfeiting of the world by means of numbers, man could notlive--that the renunciation of false opinions would be arenunciation of life, a negation of life.

Do you understand what i mean? did you get a hang of what comes next? me too niether. Life is to live only i guess. More i miss someone's presence, more philosophical i get. When i embark on my journey of truth/ understanding Woman in all ways possible, I need to arm myself with possibilities as the Crapy Samsung AD, 'Imagine'. Let a thousand flowers bloom in the lonely deserts of my heart,let the alone ness that lives there get some company and she also gets busy.

Life. Let me learn deciept, let me be an dishonourable man,let me learn to be unhappy in my state. May be happiness may knock my soul.

Relationships !!!!

let us Solve the Paradoxof Relationship.First of all let us Understand that Life is Not aboutQuestions and answers,it is about Living and dying.I repeat no questions and no answers.Second thing is about relationships.Not in all relationship you seek a soumate.You can find a mirror of yourself in any relationship-Brother,Mother,sister and we shd have that sensitivity to pickup the siganls.There is a basic purpose of our lives,Why and for what we are born?One has to question the Obvious.For example,Why do i feel aparticular way?why am i not able to forget someone?why i refuse to live orDie with someone or without someone?Relationships mean different things todifferent people.for me they are a life and death bondings and also how yousee them.However there is another question to it,Why do you actually lookin other people's eyes for reflection?When the music,i mean the relationship i had was over, there was a stillness, a serenity, a connection with life and a confirmation ofexistence. In showing me Hell, she took me to Heaven. In evoking death, she made me feel alive. By confronting me with horror, I was freed to celebratewith them joy. By confirming my sense of hopelessness and sorrow She hasled me to freedom. Or at least she tried.This is the way i feel aboutrelationship i had and for me it will always be alive.Aristotle once said"Mystery festivals should be unforgettable events,casting their shadows over the whole of one's future life, creatingexperiences that transform existence," This is what i look for it shouldtransform Existance,any relationship.Plutarch attempted to describe theprocess of dying in terms of a similar initiation: "Wandering astray, down frightening paths in darkness that lead nowhere; then immediately before the end of all terrible things, panic and amazement." There are magical sounds and dances and sacred words passed, and then "the initiate, set freeand loose from all bondage, walks about, celebrating the festival withother sacred and pure people and he looks down on the uninitiated..."I normally do not quote others as i have never cared for what others werewriting or thinking,Something has changed after i lost someone and i have become more emphathetic and sensitive to others feelings and words.I willquote my Favourite philospher, Friedrich Nietzsche, I took solace andencouragement in the admonition to "say yes to life." I never believed thatI was on a death trip as so many of my friends claim or have claimed, andto this day still find it difficult to judge the way I chose to live and die. I always chose intensity over longevity, to be, as Nietzsche said,"one who does not negate," who does not say no, who dares to createhimself.I was braced to read the following Nietzsche quote: "Saying yes to lifeeven in its strangest and hardest problems; the will to life rejoicing over its own inexhaustibility even in the very sacrifice of its highesttypes-this is what I call Dionysian, that is what I understood as thebridge to the psychology of the tragic poet. Not in order to get rid of terror and pity, not in order to purge oneself of a dangerous effect by itsvehement discharge, but in order to be oneself the eternal joy of becoming,beyond all terror and pity. "It is my insatiable thirst for life that will kill me, not any love ofdeath. Aren't relationships all about that,aceptence of the way you are andflow with the moments,not Judge and for your own sake stop judging orlooking for answers or Questons.I tried asking because i could notunderstand and got more entangled.Like my nature "Either i want evrythingor die trying" Nothing halfways.Dare say yes to everything in lifepain,joy,aloneness along with total acceptability...

Why?

why do i have this uneasy feeling nowdays, as if something is going to happen.Or is it me who is waiting for them to happen or want them to happen to keep me occupied, on the edge. people like me thrive on the idea of being a rogue, the is the opium for life force. I am getting more and more people who tell me the tone of your voice is like patronising everytime - my friend kalyan says that.
I understand that point he makes however it baffles me to the core why do i evoke extreme reactions in people? Why some people love me adn some hate me to their sorry heart's content?
Why have i become a benchmark for everyone to measure themsleves? Anyway as long as someone loves or another hates me, I will be ok. I will sleep well. I am sure no one can ignore me - may be i will kill the guy who tries and do that.
Why do feel this indifference towards mediocracy? The world is being run by majority and the majority is ....... . Now the big secret is how do you kill the ' heroism' in man? Simple, make the standards of achievement so low that any tom, dick or harry can achieve it. I always see man as proud , clean and wise . i see them as heroic beings. But society does not need a living hero, they need a martyr. Hero is always alone and he is danger to the society as it can't tolerate individuals. It can't tolerate happy man, that's why there are provisions/laws to make you unhappy and be there. that's why they teach you to feel guilty if you are more intelligent than others," You should not say it, It offends others ". I have a question, what is wrong in speaking the truth. I am good, it means ," I AM GOOD "

Days of days

Let me say at the onset that I have been getting more and more lazy nowdays, that is evident in me not writing too much and also i feel mentally exhausted after the roller coaster ride of Life.What motivates men? what makes a man raise his hand and shrugg his shoulders? Getting ready for a sure shot failure.I guess here comes the role of Honour and doing something larger than life. let me confess, I have always been driven by this word - Honour and immortality.Immortality in its truest sense confuses me, it is not possible make mark for all times as I would not exist in future and nor will the meaning. I am obsessed with it but similarly i am also obsessed with the absence of god. God is absence. God is the solitude of man and if you are lonely when you are alone, It means you are in bad company.One is still what one is going to cease to be and already what one is going to become. One lives one's death, one dies one's life. Too much confusion!!! too many ideas jumbled up,how does one get clarity, see the truth. Truth has to be like the hot noon sun - evident, on your head and harsh.As sartre said,"One cannot become a saint when one works sixteen hours a day"More over my truth is only mine,It is relvant only for me. Time and space qurdant. This is not ' The truth'.One parting shot - If you even dream of beating me you'd better wake up and apologize!!!

What does it mean to trust ?

What does it mean to be alive?Does it mean to be able to breathe the beautiful morning?
What does it mean to be able to wrap your arms around the wide sky?I guess it means to able to help one more soul,without getting worried about the hurt and betrayal.
A lot of times i have stated that the primary job of a poet is to burn, blow and break in order create golden generation through golden copulations -between Soulful, Intense and the one's who have chaos in their souls.
I am left wondering everytime why do i continue to have affection for certain people inspite of them not measuring up to my beliefs. I guess the time has come for me to satrt looking at things from a long term perspective. relationships require a lot of warmth, care and ability to put the 'other' above anything else including oneself. In love, Only 'You exists', ' I ' has to die. may be i am too idealistic to say with a firm belief that " Trust is something that makes the world a better place ".

Inspite the betrayals and setbacks, I firmly believe that we live in a civilised world and we have to trust fellow humans. In the end i am reminded of what Gandhiji said - trust is something that will make the world a better place.

" He Lives well who lives lightly,
hoards nothing,
Let go the air he breathes - to draw in more"

In the end we are all bound by our own beliefs and as some wise man said ," Those who live by sword, die by it ", In a similar context can i say that the ones who breaks the trust of fellow humans bear the taste of it. Anyway at the end of life you know what you have done , I for sure will die with a clear concience - Peaceful man.

understand it, there is no choice :-)

If suppressed, you never experience the thing in its totality, you never gain anything out of it. Wisdom comes through suffering and wisdom comes through acceptance. Whatsoever the case, be at ease with it.Don’t look to society and its condemnation. Nobody is to judge you here and nobody can pretend to be a judge. Don’t judge others and don’t be perturbed and disturbed by others’ judgment. You are alone and you are unique. You never were before, you never will be again. You are beautiful. Accept it. And whatsoever happens, allow it to happen and pass through it. Soon, suffering will be a learning; then it has become creative.Fear will give you fearlessness. Out of anger will come compassion. Out of the understanding of hate, love will be born to you. But this happens not in a conflict, but in a passing-through with alert awareness. Accept, and pass through it. And if you make it a point to pass through every experience, then there will be death, the most intense experience. Life is nothing before it because life cannot be so intense as death.Life is spread out over a long time – seventy years, one hundred years. Death is intense because it is not spread out – it is in a single moment. Life has to pass one hundred years or seventy years, it cannot be so intense. Death comes in a single moment; it comes whole, not fragmentary. It will be so intense you cannot know anything more intense. But if you are afraid, if before death comes you have escaped, you have be-come unconscious because of the fear, you have missed one of the golden opportunities, the golden gate. If your whole life you have been accepting things, when death comes, patiently, passively you will accept and enter into it without any effort to escape. If you can enter death passively, silently, without any effort, death disappears.Suffering is there but just around you; it is not in the center, it is on the periphery. It is impossible for suffering to be in the center; it is not in the nature of things. It is always on the periphery and you are the center.we lot of times allow ourselves to be enamoured by suffering , grief as we allow it to become the core, It is not the core, YOU ARE. You are unique, bautiful and as someone posted on her wall " ...like everyone else".

lend me a song

Lend me just one more song
My beloved lord

The fire of my heart seems to be extinguishing
Lend me just one more spark
My beloved lord

Me, the one of tender age
Is saddled with all the ripe pain
Words too seem to have deserted me
Don’t know what to do with this wisdom of sage

Lend me some more of your virgin pain
My beloved lord

Lend me a song that resembles my youth
The one that I lost
It shd resemble the red of the rising sun
That fills the lake with Blood
It shd resemble the brightness of first star of eve
Shining in my water filled saucer

Oh I guess eve of my life inches too
Lend me a star or two
My beloved lord

Life, mine too is like the red
The one that you make
Enamor the lake
Lord, cant live thru the day without the beloved
And how to love her without a song
I guess, I still need to learn that art
Ooh every one hears the laughter
While I sew the blood dripping wounds of my heart

All the streams are beloved of the dear
Even if they hide the ones who put a spear
The nector from my eyes,
Flows untouched, ignored drowning the muted cries

Lent me, the love that cuts like sword
Oh my beloved lord!

what is it?

"As I look back over my life I am struck by post cards Ruined Snap shots faded posters Of a time, I can't recall.I am a guide to the Labyrinth Monarch of the protean towers on this cool stone patio above the iron mist sunk in its own waste breathing its own breath"....I guess i have all the makings of a saint. That's the trouble. What do they seek from me? what were they after? I had never asked anything of them; it is they who wish to hold me, they who press a claim on me—and the claim seemed to have the form of affection, but it was a form which i find hard to endure than any sort of hatred. Why do i despise this causeless affection, just as I despise unearned wealth. They professed to love me for some unknown reason and they ignored all the things for which I wish to be loved. Everytime I am left wondering what response they could hope to obtain from me in such manner—if my response is what they want. And it is, i think; else why these constant complaints, those unceasing accusations about my indifference? Why that chronic air of suspicion, as if they are waiting to be hurt? I have no desire to hurt anyone, but why do i always feel their defensive, reproachful expectation; they seemed wounded by anything I say, it is not a matter of my words or actions, it is almost . . . almost as if they are Wounded by the mere fact of my being. I guess I am imagining the insane, struggling to face the riddle with the strictest of my ruthless sense of justice. I can not condemn her without understanding; and I can not understand. Do i like the people in my so called life? No, i had always wanted to like them, which is not the same. I wanted to do it in the name of some unstated potentiality which I had once expected to see in any human being. I feel nothing for them now, nothing but the merciless zero of indifference, not even the regret of a loss. Do I need any person as part of my life anymore? Do I miss the feeling I had wanted to feel? No, I think…. Will I come out unscathed? Will I live to fight another day? No, I think, in my youth; may be, not any longer.....

pain

Sometimes my pain amuses me,when the observer in me watches the observed,
seething and writhing in pain it is a queer feeling,
It's there b'cos i wanted it to be there.It's the potion by which the physician in me heals my sick self,
Most of my pain is self chosen.
Like someone said"As long as stars are burning,as long as dreams are churning," i say pain will keep pruning and
opening mew vistas,new horizons,
Lands unseen and emotions untouched,untravelled.
It will shake your beliefs,Your I's.
It reveals what was concelaed to you,
opening the heart of the fruit,
revealing it to the sun.
herein i discard it not like a garment but i peel it off like skin from my body.Hidden underneath is what kahlil says Joy-Bliss.
Ooh my pain is Joy unmasked.
Now i can welcome pain and joy in my life like the farmer who welcomes seasons on his feild.

I sell you a dream

I sell you a dream,
I will give you wings,
To fly in clear blue sky.
I sell you a dream,
I will give you freedom,
For the way you want to live,
The way you want to die.
Watch my clan,
Sprawled across the land,
Like signatures in colours,
Over myriad sands.
Co’s I am death,The gateway to that land of freedom and austerity.