Life, angst & death of answers - 38 years in progression

As I stand on the cusp of completing 38 years of my existence on earth, Like every year I have again started taking stock of the year gone. I must say it is an exercise that everyone must indulge in even if you do it just one day.

शतं विहाय भोक्तव्यं

सहस्रं स्नानमाचरेत् ।

लक्षं विहाय दातव्यंकोटिं 

त्यक्त्वा हरिं भजेत् ॥

For partaking food, put aside hundred tasks,To bathe, leave a thousand.For charity leave aside a hundred thousand considerations, And when it is time to meditate, leaving aside ten million!

The fundamental questions that i always land up asking still remain the same..

1. Who is 'I' ?
2. Did I fulfill the purpose of my existence?
3. Did I serve Dharma?
4. Did I serve society in some way?

Apart from these questions are people whom I am indebted to  i.e Friends, people who shower their love & affection on me without hope.

Before I answer any Q, I remind myself of meaning of Dharma?

प्रभवार्थाय भूतानां धर्मप्रवचनं

 कृतम्
धारणाद्धर्ममित्याहुर्धर्मो धारयति प्रजाः ।


यः स्याद्धारणसंयुक्तः स धर्म इति निश्चयः ।



“Morality is taught for the progress of living beings.
Morality [dharma] derives from the act of sustaining [dharana].
Thus authorities say that morality [dharma] is that
which sustains living beings. The conclusion is that whatever
 sustains is actually dharma.” [MahaBharata 8.49.48-50]

Dharayate Iti Dharma - Meaning "The one that Sustains is Dharma" - Sustains life, Knowledge, happiness. 

Did i serve it? Well I tried and continue to do so in my capacity through speaking on what i perceive knowledge , Gyan or Vidya is. 

One underlining question that keeps me awake through the days and nights is, Who am I? what is the purpose of my life or there is none beyond eating, slaving, acquiring,experiencing & then loosing interest.

But then why the possessions don't give happiness forever? I have started realising that happiness is not dependent on possessions, it is within.

Why i seek the next high and then the next and the cycle continues? Why do I wish to conquer highest mountains, deepest seas, distant lands or continue the path of flying higher and faster exploring the universe?

Why?

Am I subconsciously aware that I am limitless - Athah, Ajeya as human?

मनोबुद्ध्यहङ्कार चित्तानि नाहं

न च श्रोत्रजिह्वे न च घ्राणनेत्रे ।
न च व्योम भूमिर्न तेजो न वायुः
चिदानन्दरूपः शिवोऽहम् शिवोऽहम् ॥१॥

Mano-Buddhy-Ahangkaara Cittaani Naaham
Na Ca Shrotra-Jihve Na Ca Ghraanna-Netre |
Na Ca Vyoma Bhuumir-Na Tejo Na Vaayuh
Chid-Aananda-Ruupah Shivo[a-A]ham Shivo[a-A]ham ||1||


The other thing on my mind is the affection towards me and mine towards them. The unique situation that I am in, leads me to understand sometimes in life the things just are, "Sat astu" - Truth is. It has no meaning, no purpose. it simply exists, we give meaning to it. Same goes for my life & its sometimes very disheartening.

There is another aspect of life I am unable to change about people in my life. They believe purpose of my life is to fulfill their desires only and their's exist to fulfill mine. Any attempt to be with yourself is seen as affront or rude. A civilisation borne on the premise of 'Dharma' attained through meditation/reflection is becoming so insecure that it leaves no space for thought. This insecurity is due to the rootlessness of the inhabitants of Bhartiyas. Our thoughts are a curious bag of abrahamic ideas of happiness through Possessions & सनातन civilisational inertia of त्याग, कर्म , पुरुषार्थ.
In true sense Sanatanis became masters of their own destiny after more than 800 years and we squandered it away by lapping up the narrative which west gave us. we not only adapted the clothing but are also trying to outdo them by killing our languages, narratives of modernity, commerce & justice. What an irony, I am writing in English.

Abrahamic faiths has given 4 constructs - Judaism, Christianity, Islam and the most recent & Potent one for India - Marxism. How shamelessly Marxists have changed the historical context & overall history of India is appalling to the very least but to the young calling themselves Liberal/Secular is the fashion statement without even understanding the nature of the beast.

This current establishment in India is truly the successor to the British government of India. The white men has been replaced by brown men under the same law and the agenda. I am at a stage where I don't know if I would like my children to grow or see myself grow old in this environment. Perhaps America today reflects more of the Dharmic traditions of Rule of law, Freedom of thought & religion, Separation of state & adherence to faith. it has become the last refuge of people with intellect & free thought.
I am reminded of story from our Purana. story of Chandrahaas. The story through song जिस नगरी मैं धर्म नहीं वहां क्यूँ रहना

http://www.sravi.com/music/download/audio/all/Ranvir_Singh_Vol_4/39%20Jis%20Nagari%20Me.mp3 …

When I think all that & spiritual milieu I was reared in I come to accept that everything that is born must wither & die, Living beings, nations & even civilization. The cycle continues & I am just an observer but not a participant. I am on the sidelines fulfilling my own कर्म, protection of धर्मं . 

My question about serving society or anyone simply drops. I have less questions every passing year. I have lesser answers too!

न मृत्युर्न शङ्का न मे जातिभेदः
पिता नैव मे नैव माता न जन्मः ।
न बन्धुर्न मित्रं गुरुर्नैव शिष्यं
चिदानन्दरूपः शिवोऽहम् शिवोऽहम् ॥५॥

Na Mrtyur-Na Shangkaa Na Me Jaati-Bhedah
Pitaa Naiva Me Naiva Maataa Na Janmah |
Na Bandhurna Mitram Gurur-Na-Iva Shissyam
Chid-Aananda-Ruupah Shivo[a-A]ham Shivo[a-A]ham ||5||

Neither am I bound by Death and its Fear, nor by the rules of Caste and its Distinctions,
Neither do I have Father and Mother, nor do I have Birth,
Neither do I have Relations nor Friends, neither Spiritual Teacher nor Disciple,
I am the Ever Pure Blissful Consciousness; I am Shiva, I am Shiva,

The Ever Pure Blissful Consciousness.

Islam & the rebels of modern era

System has had the ability to appeal to wide array of people i.e. Dysfunctional, louts, thugs, rebels or the idiots. That has largely been possible due to the Preachers picking and choosing to highlight only one part of text from 'The Book. Nobody has the ability in their life time to go through the book and add to the difficulty of it being written only in Classical arabic. Thera re hardly 5 scholars of classical Arabic left in the whole world. More than anything, it has bred so many myths, conspiracies around the successes, swept under the carpet its failures or the design default that makes people surrender their mind. 

Its ability to justify violence on Kufra or unbelievers along with its ability to force them into Dhimmi status & their justification can be simply understood by Islam's ability to inflict pain. Once converted, the new breed perpetrates even more violence on ther former tribe as a revenge for not defending them against the scourge and leaving them helpless thus to conversion.

The psychological violence that the average Western woman goes through in terms of her sexual objectification is bound to create a reaction at some point. The peer pressure to lose one's virginity by freshman year in college, the prevalence of date-rape on college campuses (usually not provable in court because of prior consumption of alcohol), etc. is horrendous, and I've known more than one who reddened or even went lachrymose on the recount. Many women converts are those who want to simply avoid all this horrendous nonsense and love the chivalrous values and treatment. Another section of converts are older women who have been through it all, lived through a highly promiscuous period of their lives, and rejected it because ultimately they found that the men in that culture are incapable of devoted responsibility.

But in the big picture, Islamic missionary activity in the West has a different selling point depending on which demographic is being targeted. Islam is everything to all people, it is the panacea that plugs all holes - Islam usually sells itself as a solid means to a desired reality, and in limited cases it flashes a mystique that caters to a curiosity about reality (Sufism).

In prisons it is one thing - sense of victimhood and rebellion, a new brotherhood in and outside prison, identification with the slaves who were some of the Prophet's (pbuh) earliest followers, a second chance to repent one's wrongdoings and weaknesses and be in society again - but importantly, to dedicate oneself to changing and converting it by picking a much bigger fight on a global and cosmic scale than anything one has ever gotten into before.

Among Left Liberals Islam is another thing - claim of egalitarianism as demonstrated in praying together (over a wide diversity of colorful races), a victim of Zionist oppression and its main challenger like David and Goliath, victim of Orientalist prejudice that is all wrong as touted by Edward Said, medieval cause of Europe's own renaissance, a seductive culture of eloquence and mysticism about alternate reality that puts Morocco and other places on the hippie's map, a jurisprudence that offers new ways of thinking about old social and economic institutions, etc.

And among Conservatism-seeking types it is another thing - no-compromise attitude, tough love, quick justice, fundamental caveman values, control of women and sexuality, strict old-fashioned values but in a more 'balanced' way than medieval Christianity and one that seems to encompass and rein in many decadent modern tendencies (e.g. Moslem women dress like nuns but don't have to actually live the 'unnatural' life of a nun, celibacy is not institutionalized whereas polyamoury is brought within the purview of 'marriage', etc.), co-existence of races but offering the White West the mantle of political leadership of global Islamism just as the Turks won that mantle by adopting it, anti-Jewish sentiment, conspiracy theories and end-of-time Prophecies about 2nd coming of Christ (which Islam elaborately discusses via Mahdi'ism), and very importantly a palliative for white guilt about slavery and colonialism that is rubbed in by Left Liberals but which can be easily justified by Islamic jurisprudence and theology, etc.

Thus one can see that it appeals to one segment with one idea and appeals to another segment with a directly opposed idea - and it justifies this by saying it is a "balance" between the two. This is a very specious argument that can appear very convincing. Indeed it is true that Islam does contain dipoles between which one can argue and position oneself based on "taqwa" (conservative adherence) and "rukhsat" (liberal leave), but the intrinsic permutation between these opposites and the undercurrent between them is what is really interesting. But most people can't yet see or understand that philosophically or even experientially. With women converts to Islam also (or women born into Moslem families trying to reconcile with modernity) it is the same case.

To be concluded...

Dismantling the left liberal knee jerk reaction on Terror

Marxists/Leftists love to espouse the theory that terrorism is a result of poverty, deprivation or illiteracy. I piss on such obnoxious and blatantly false notions. I can cite many reasons against this theory as i believe it is the sighting of flying unicorns that has caused so many in-breeds to loose sanity and trigger bombs. what? you think I am not serious? 

Irrespective of religion, religious fervor seems to be directly related to prosperity or aspiration to prosperity. being stickler to religious edicts is very very expensive in modern day world. it is. bulk of rabid evangelists are prosperous enough to have a lot of free time to think about this nonsense and have the financial means to live the "biblical/quranic/vedic/bauddhic/oshoist lifestyle", as god prescribed. faking poverty, rusticity, simplicity etc., is big business, that has made those who can provide this illusion very rich. at a certain level of prosperity, showing off that you are living upto the standards of good old traditions of a religion is a status symbol. i've gadi. i've bangla. i've bhakti. but the underlying message invariably is - more importantly, i've the money to buy these.

As Wheelan, Charles says in Naked Statistics: Stripping the Dread from the DataTerrorists are not desperately poor, or poorly educated. The author, Princeton economist Alan Krueger, concludes, “Terrorists tend to be drawn from well-educated, middle-class or high-income families.”  

Unless people are fully aware who their working gods are, people tend to idolize false gods - be it allah, jehovah, 'BooDa', or venkateshwara. Also want to point out, that some of these gods are sexier than others, 'BooDa' more than mahaveera, for example. any one who knows half as much will tell you that mahaveera and his descendants more closer to rationalism than booDa. allah and mohammad being the farthest from it all - much more rationalism and logic in village gods and neighbourhood shaamans than is there in islam. but must say, bulk of spirituality is all about the PR message not about spirituality itself. allah & mohammad & all the associated piety around them have nothing to do with spirituality imho.

In India one sees many Indian Muslims who are very pious, very orthodox. That in fact is creation of Islamic capital which harms the Kufr, the Hindus, much less, than when Muslims receive secular education and are brought up in a more liberal environment, because then these Muslims have no Islamic capital and the chances for them to turn radical are much higher. So those pleading for more secular education for the Muslim youth need to keep this into consideration.

It doesn't mean that all Muslims receiving secular education would turn radical. As long as the Muslim is not confronted with the pressures of Islamic society, and remains integrated in Kufr society, he would of course remain "a productive member of the Kufr society", but it is easy to get disillusioned considering the many ills that also affect Kufr society, and then there is no telling how radical the Muslim may turn once he discovers the mosque and introspection tells him how little Islamic capital he possesses.

In such a situation, the probability is high that the "introspecting" Muslim would shift the blame for his lack of Islamic capital onto the Kufr society of which he had been a part, and act vengefully towards it. Moreover the orthodox pious Muslim society has often been the preserve of the poor Ajlaf Muslims, and in his drive to earn Islamic capital quickly as well as his tendency to look at Islam more intellectually rather than spiritually or mystically, being educated and deracinated, the chances are also high that he would decide for the radical political Islam - hard Islamism, rather than simply piety.

As long as the currency used is piety, it does not hurt the Kufr, but under Islam, it is easy to try to earn Islamic currency in other ways, and if it is through showing dominance through means of conquering mind, human or geographic space belonging to the Kufr, then it does become a problem for Kufr.Conquering mind always has been an issue with Islam, unlike the X'tian missionaries who have developed a sophisticated modus operandi to seed in their thoughts by piggy backing modernity & secularism as their unique & sole gifts. 


My second hypothesis is that Terrorists come from Pakistan. They dont need to be educated or illiterate, rich or poor. Kasab for example was illiterate and poor. I am sure that his compatriots who were given their 72 by NSG were illiterate and poor too. The key difference between India and the west is that only rich and literate people get visas to western countries. If they shared a border with Pakistan, they would get poor and illiterate terrorists too -- like India and Afghanistan. If you purely base your data set on failed and successful terror attacks by :cough: abrahamic religion terrorists :cough: most probably they were immigrants. And most probably the immigrants were upper middle class with good education. And most probably second gen immigrants. Terrorists, "retire" by around 50 or so (less testosterone? less drive? short life expectancy?) so if you are a first gen immigrant who is poor, you probably have crossed 50 and it is left to your son to carry on your torch. A first gen immigrant below 40, is most probably a student and/or businessman who can travel freely and by definition is educated and/or reasonably well off.

ofcourse in pakistan, with its day to day vocab which glorifies heinous concepts like junoon, jasba, shahid, ghazi etc., the poison is more widely spread than other countries. most 'SDRE' (Short ,dark, rice eating Indians as Tall, fair & tight bummed Pakis like to call us) idiots, out of instinct, will tell you to keep a lid on your jasba, junnon, and on your baser instincts such as kaama, lobha, madha, maatsarya. well, in islamic nations particularly Pakistan you earn marks of significance for curbing your own common sense and acting on these exact instincts. this junnon and jasba in suppressing your own common sense and becoming a becoming a ghazi earns you the highest number of points possible.The "educated middle class terrorist" is a myth created due to immigration policies. Pakistan produces terrorists of all economic and educational backgrounds without any discrimination.

I have seen Hindus, Muslims or X'tians for whom god is not a decoration or a bragging right but an integral part of their rustic simple lives. but these guys are all piss poor and miserable. not destitute, but miserable and spartan by choice, and not by paying an architect or a designer to recreate it.

*Most of the literature is understanding of writings from Shardula, Anujan, Rajesh and Dr Shiv