Days of days

Let me say at the onset that I have been getting more and more lazy nowdays, that is evident in me not writing too much and also i feel mentally exhausted after the roller coaster ride of Life.What motivates men? what makes a man raise his hand and shrugg his shoulders? Getting ready for a sure shot failure.I guess here comes the role of Honour and doing something larger than life. let me confess, I have always been driven by this word - Honour and immortality.Immortality in its truest sense confuses me, it is not possible make mark for all times as I would not exist in future and nor will the meaning. I am obsessed with it but similarly i am also obsessed with the absence of god. God is absence. God is the solitude of man and if you are lonely when you are alone, It means you are in bad company.One is still what one is going to cease to be and already what one is going to become. One lives one's death, one dies one's life. Too much confusion!!! too many ideas jumbled up,how does one get clarity, see the truth. Truth has to be like the hot noon sun - evident, on your head and harsh.As sartre said,"One cannot become a saint when one works sixteen hours a day"More over my truth is only mine,It is relvant only for me. Time and space qurdant. This is not ' The truth'.One parting shot - If you even dream of beating me you'd better wake up and apologize!!!