Happiness

What gives me happiness? Money,Gizmo's,Being with Family and friends or being alone? Do i need the money so that i can buy the gizmo's? do i need the Gizmo's as I want to escape the reality of my current life? Am i taking too pessimistic a view? Before i try and get into this, Let me try and figure the most obvious and at the same time the most profound question, What is happiness?

Is happiness a perception of reality or is it a creation of illusionary realism? what gives me happiness? Sometimes i like being sad not at my state but looking at the state of the black man begging on the streets of Chicago(secretly thanking myself that i have abed to sleep and a roof also). Sometimes sex gives me happiness and other times escaping from it gives me happiness.It means it is situational also. In that case how come people, as their first instinct put happiness and material wealth together?Watching little Adi play and dragging me to jump on the bed with him gives me so much of joy, Did i just use the word joy? why not happiness?

Confusion, No connection. When Nietzsche says ," Basically I am a sad man", he seems to be taking a particular delight in it. When someone says that he/she broke off, It is said as a symbol of relief and good riddance(publicly) in half smile but there is a tinge of sadness.

The people in my life have always complained to me about my being a loner in the crowd, aloof and some have even gone to the extent of calling 'antisocial'. for them mixing with the crowds is happiness, they seek solace in collective... " Andha andha theliya, dono koop padant".For me being part of a crowd, group, community brings sadness and bewilderment. it never brings me happiness. I have been called insane sometimes due to this nature of mine but It's my belief that insanity in individuals is rare but in groups, communities,relationships, nations, It is a rule.

On the other side, My Mac, brought me a lot of joy. Ooops i again called it joy, why not happiness? some people will tell me that joy is short term and happiness is long term but this leads to another question! have we found a way to figure out future? Do we have a source to 'Oracle'? If happiness is the goal then why do we keep on looking for short term smiles?

Nothing seems to be, what is seems to be. I am lonely but i am not alone. I am happy though b'cos it could not have been better. that looks an encouraging thought- isn't it?

The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. if you try it will be lonely often But(as my friend Mohit says) no price is high enough for the privilege of owning yourself. Sometimes being lonely also gives you happiness !!! i guess i just said it earlier also :-) I am happy