If you exist

I have been searching
and I am not able to find a mechanism,
a device that can help me find him.
He has been elusive, long lost youth that has long left the spirit,
What i see is hungry,dour faces, empty black eyes
stretched palms leading to frail and drooping shoulders.
"He is the one that was caught rioting,was running with a packet"
I am looking for answer but I need to ask the relevant question?
I have a burden on my spirit, size of a boulder,
He keeps on repeating," God is punishing me for my sins"
I loose half of what he says in the din,
alas, I see the half a kg of wheat he was stealing,
I wonder, he lays here in the mighty arms of law,
his kids,picking up the trash and eating.
"why preserve life in such botched up forms?"
I am loosing my reason,
For an atheist, it sounds like a treason,
with all my energy i make my vocal chords express
Oh God, If you exist take me out of this holy mess