Relationships !!!!

let us Solve the Paradoxof Relationship.First of all let us Understand that Life is Not aboutQuestions and answers,it is about Living and dying.I repeat no questions and no answers.Second thing is about relationships.Not in all relationship you seek a soumate.You can find a mirror of yourself in any relationship-Brother,Mother,sister and we shd have that sensitivity to pickup the siganls.There is a basic purpose of our lives,Why and for what we are born?One has to question the Obvious.For example,Why do i feel aparticular way?why am i not able to forget someone?why i refuse to live orDie with someone or without someone?Relationships mean different things todifferent people.for me they are a life and death bondings and also how yousee them.However there is another question to it,Why do you actually lookin other people's eyes for reflection?When the music,i mean the relationship i had was over, there was a stillness, a serenity, a connection with life and a confirmation ofexistence. In showing me Hell, she took me to Heaven. In evoking death, she made me feel alive. By confronting me with horror, I was freed to celebratewith them joy. By confirming my sense of hopelessness and sorrow She hasled me to freedom. Or at least she tried.This is the way i feel aboutrelationship i had and for me it will always be alive.Aristotle once said"Mystery festivals should be unforgettable events,casting their shadows over the whole of one's future life, creatingexperiences that transform existence," This is what i look for it shouldtransform Existance,any relationship.Plutarch attempted to describe theprocess of dying in terms of a similar initiation: "Wandering astray, down frightening paths in darkness that lead nowhere; then immediately before the end of all terrible things, panic and amazement." There are magical sounds and dances and sacred words passed, and then "the initiate, set freeand loose from all bondage, walks about, celebrating the festival withother sacred and pure people and he looks down on the uninitiated..."I normally do not quote others as i have never cared for what others werewriting or thinking,Something has changed after i lost someone and i have become more emphathetic and sensitive to others feelings and words.I willquote my Favourite philospher, Friedrich Nietzsche, I took solace andencouragement in the admonition to "say yes to life." I never believed thatI was on a death trip as so many of my friends claim or have claimed, andto this day still find it difficult to judge the way I chose to live and die. I always chose intensity over longevity, to be, as Nietzsche said,"one who does not negate," who does not say no, who dares to createhimself.I was braced to read the following Nietzsche quote: "Saying yes to lifeeven in its strangest and hardest problems; the will to life rejoicing over its own inexhaustibility even in the very sacrifice of its highesttypes-this is what I call Dionysian, that is what I understood as thebridge to the psychology of the tragic poet. Not in order to get rid of terror and pity, not in order to purge oneself of a dangerous effect by itsvehement discharge, but in order to be oneself the eternal joy of becoming,beyond all terror and pity. "It is my insatiable thirst for life that will kill me, not any love ofdeath. Aren't relationships all about that,aceptence of the way you are andflow with the moments,not Judge and for your own sake stop judging orlooking for answers or Questons.I tried asking because i could notunderstand and got more entangled.Like my nature "Either i want evrythingor die trying" Nothing halfways.Dare say yes to everything in lifepain,joy,aloneness along with total acceptability...

Why?

why do i have this uneasy feeling nowdays, as if something is going to happen.Or is it me who is waiting for them to happen or want them to happen to keep me occupied, on the edge. people like me thrive on the idea of being a rogue, the is the opium for life force. I am getting more and more people who tell me the tone of your voice is like patronising everytime - my friend kalyan says that.
I understand that point he makes however it baffles me to the core why do i evoke extreme reactions in people? Why some people love me adn some hate me to their sorry heart's content?
Why have i become a benchmark for everyone to measure themsleves? Anyway as long as someone loves or another hates me, I will be ok. I will sleep well. I am sure no one can ignore me - may be i will kill the guy who tries and do that.
Why do feel this indifference towards mediocracy? The world is being run by majority and the majority is ....... . Now the big secret is how do you kill the ' heroism' in man? Simple, make the standards of achievement so low that any tom, dick or harry can achieve it. I always see man as proud , clean and wise . i see them as heroic beings. But society does not need a living hero, they need a martyr. Hero is always alone and he is danger to the society as it can't tolerate individuals. It can't tolerate happy man, that's why there are provisions/laws to make you unhappy and be there. that's why they teach you to feel guilty if you are more intelligent than others," You should not say it, It offends others ". I have a question, what is wrong in speaking the truth. I am good, it means ," I AM GOOD "

Days of days

Let me say at the onset that I have been getting more and more lazy nowdays, that is evident in me not writing too much and also i feel mentally exhausted after the roller coaster ride of Life.What motivates men? what makes a man raise his hand and shrugg his shoulders? Getting ready for a sure shot failure.I guess here comes the role of Honour and doing something larger than life. let me confess, I have always been driven by this word - Honour and immortality.Immortality in its truest sense confuses me, it is not possible make mark for all times as I would not exist in future and nor will the meaning. I am obsessed with it but similarly i am also obsessed with the absence of god. God is absence. God is the solitude of man and if you are lonely when you are alone, It means you are in bad company.One is still what one is going to cease to be and already what one is going to become. One lives one's death, one dies one's life. Too much confusion!!! too many ideas jumbled up,how does one get clarity, see the truth. Truth has to be like the hot noon sun - evident, on your head and harsh.As sartre said,"One cannot become a saint when one works sixteen hours a day"More over my truth is only mine,It is relvant only for me. Time and space qurdant. This is not ' The truth'.One parting shot - If you even dream of beating me you'd better wake up and apologize!!!