who died last minute?

I am lamenting ! Indeed I am, You will have to trust me on this. Last minute a part of me died again. There is nothing new about this but the question I am going to put, is new for me. Did I add any part to myself after the death of one? This is a perfectly logical question and within the confines of laws of nature – Something dies and evolution makes sure that there is something to take it’s place.
The moot point is what is it that is now living inside me in the barter? Pain, more pain, anger, jealousy or the will to live? Now this leads to one more question, who is the real me? The one that is dying every minute or the one that is coming alive? Utter confusion, no connection but connection, we must find. Centuries men have grappled with questions like these and contributed to the advancement of human civilization. I claim or desire to do no such thing.
Back to the point now (lest it becomes too late). I think I am adding so called worldly wisdom and becoming more and more closed after every incident like this. When I look deep within myself , I realize that I am loosing more of what is pure within me, simple values and trust for fellow travelers on this earth on the journey called Life. Now I am left wondering when do I die more? When I add worldly wisdom or when I feel dejected, hurt and pained by the actions of people I Love? Confusion ,more confusion! Where is the fisherman, where is the shepherd?
Why should I feel hurt and dejected in the first place? Why in heaven’s name am I Looking for some shepherd? I look towards all the great man that have come before me on this earth and find that the only difference between us is that they lived in simpler times and they became great centuries after their death. I somehow feel no hatred or anger against people but just get immune to them and that is what I am worried about or should I actually worry about in the first place. The answer lies somewhere in between. I am what I am, I will be what I will be.
I am more living while I am giving. I die the moment I expect people to appreciate what I am doing for them. Then the bigger question is whether I should anything out of Pity at all or continue to do things if i like them. Pity, for all the reasons of the world( in it's favour) is something i find myself unable to show. It kills the beautiful I could have created .
Pity thwarts the whole law of evolution, which is the law of natural selection. It preserves whatever is ripe for destruction; it fights onthe side of those disinherited and condemned by life; by maintaining life in so many of the botched of all kinds, it gives life itself a gloomy and dubious aspect." Mankind has ventured to call pity a virtue (--in every _superior_ moral system it appears as a weakness--); going still further, it has been called the virtue, the source and foundation of all other virtues--but let us always bear in mind that this was from the standpoint of a philosophy that was nihilistic, and upon whose shield the denial of life was inscribed."
The pure soul is a pure lie.... So long as the priest, that professional denier, calumniator and poisoner of life, is accepted as a higher variety of man, there can be no answer to the question, What is truth? Truth has already been stood on its head when the obvious attorney of mere emptiness is mistaken for its representative....
Coming back to the original argument, I guess the part of me that stays is the end to the evolution of Life. men is the final specie. The weak must die otherwise the decadence would set in. Man could have become ‘God’ but something brought him down. May be, his desire to be God. lets seek the answers !!!!

Dawn of despair

I would like to acknowledge the inspiration from Jim Morisson for this piece of poetry.I read a couple of lines by him in a news paper article - namely the first 2 lines.


The velvet fur of religion, Polished Knife handle and the coin,
Soft chuckle of Kids in the foreground, Soliloques of the Spider king,
Life Flowing out of the veins, behold she walks the aisle to the Priest,
Hallucinations, No, No Dreams and they do turn true.
I swear I heard her say, “I Do”.
Cool March noon, Couples naked, rush to the water,
Like Mad, Obsessed, driven by some Culpability,
Deep breathe before the Plunge.
The Graveyard, the tombstone, the gloom stone and the rune stone,
Looks like another devil dies, the sun and Moon waiting,
In the deep Southern nights for mating.
Rub-Rub the Silver coin,
The one I gave you, The Voice comes from faraway,
Waiting to be born, out of Love or Despair?
You seem to be Comfortable in your skin,
Devoid of any feeling of guilt or Sin,
Laid some Nymph, Ploughed your seed through her Soul?
Don’t bank on it, anyone can own it whole,
Your love doesn’t spread, before being mendacious she doesn’t even turn red.
Saw the God begging her to marry him, behold she Slides out of Bed,
Spurns him over, “Don’t love you anymore”.
Walks with the Silver Coin, Kicking him in the Loin,
Tree sway and waste forever, Life flows out of Veins,
Draining all the accumulated pains.
A message has been sent to the heart of brain, Please Freeze,
Don’t let him die on us, “For Godsake, He is God”.
“He, of all, shd have known, free will can’t be Paired,
With Subjugation and someone else’s yearning”.
“What you say is all fair, I deserve this,
Greatest cannibal of all.”
Some tired future,
Let me sleep, I Can’t let off the disease.
Love has poisoned my soul,
“See, The God” gasp for air,
Believe me when I say it is the Dawn of Despair.