Runaway, coward,pragmatist, loaf away, lier or a cheat? Why do i continue to dilute what is me, every single day. Whenever some open palms come in front of me leading upto destitue and frail old hands, I cant resist showing pity and empathy inspite of feeling none.
I do it b'cos i am supposed to not b'cos i feel like. Like i once said preserving life in so many of botched up forms is against the basic tenets of nature, "survival of the fittest". This brings an unnecessary burden on the planet. I am willing to support people to earn a living but i can't give alms.
'Runaway' comes from my current state - I am just running away from my beloved India and searching something. In one of the funniest episodes that happened was at Heathrow. The customs officer asked me if i had something to declare and I told him that i have nothing to declare except my genius. he smiled and did not check me. so a runaway genius - finally.
Lot of my professors feel that i have not fulfilled my potential. I cud have become something but i don't know what? So i have cheated them or myself is another question. More often than not i am reminded of what Johny cash sung
" I hurt myself today,
to see if i still feel,
our focus on the thing,
the only thing that's real.
the needle tears a hole,
the old familiar sting,
try to kill it all the way,
but i remember everything.
What have i become? my sweetest friend,
Everyone i know, goes away in the end..."
The question rings in my head.. What have i become? Do i feel something?
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