As I stand on the cusp of completing 38 years of my existence on earth, Like every year I have again started taking stock of the year gone. I must say it is an exercise that everyone must indulge in even if you do it just one day.
शतं विहाय भोक्तव्यं
सहस्रं स्नानमाचरेत् ।
लक्षं विहाय दातव्यंकोटिं
त्यक्त्वा हरिं भजेत् ॥
For partaking food, put aside hundred tasks,To bathe, leave a thousand.For charity leave aside a hundred thousand considerations, And when it is time to meditate, leaving aside ten million!
The fundamental questions that i always land up asking still remain the same..
- Who is 'I' ?
- Did I fulfill the purpose of my existence?
- Did I serve Dharma?
- Did I serve society in some way?
Apart from these questions are people whom I am indebted to i.e Friends, people who shower their love & affection on me without hope.
Before I answer any Q, I remind myself of meaning of Dharma?
प्रभवार्थाय भूतानां धर्मप्रवचनं
कृतम्
धारणाद्धर्ममित्याहुर्धर्मो धारयति प्रजाः ।
यः स्याद्धारणसंयुक्तः स धर्म इति निश्चयः ।
“Morality is taught for the progress of living beings.
Morality
[dharma] derives from the act of sustaining [dharana].
Thus authorities say that
morality [dharma] is that
which sustains living beings. The conclusion is that
whatever
sustains is actually dharma.” [MahaBharata 8.49.48-50]
Dharayate Iti Dharma - Meaning "The one that Sustains is Dharma" - Sustains life, Knowledge, happiness.
Did i serve it? Well I tried and continue to do so in my capacity through speaking on what i perceive knowledge , Gyan or Vidya is.
One underlining question that keeps me awake through the days and nights is, Who am I? what is the purpose of my life or there is none beyond eating, slaving, acquiring,experiencing & then loosing interest.
But then why the possessions don't give happiness forever? I have started realising that happiness is not dependent on possessions, it is within.
Why i seek the next high and then the next and the cycle continues? Why do I wish to conquer highest mountains, deepest seas, distant lands or continue the path of flying higher and faster exploring the universe?
Why?
Am I subconsciously aware that I am limitless - Athah, Ajeya as human?
न च व्योम भूमिर्न तेजो न वायुः
चिदानन्दरूपः शिवोऽहम् शिवोऽहम् ॥१॥
Mano-Buddhy-Ahangkaara Cittaani Naaham
Na Ca Shrotra-Jihve Na Ca Ghraanna-Netre |
Na Ca Vyoma Bhuumir-Na Tejo Na Vaayuh
Chid-Aananda-Ruupah Shivo[a-A]ham Shivo[a-A]ham ||1||
The other thing on my mind is the affection towards me and mine towards them. The unique situation that I am in, leads me to understand sometimes in life the things just are, "Sat astu" - Truth is. It has no meaning, no purpose. it simply exists, we give meaning to it. Same goes for my life & its sometimes very disheartening.
There is another aspect of life I am unable to change about people in my life. They believe purpose of my life is to fulfill their desires only and their's exist to fulfill mine. Any attempt to be with yourself is seen as affront or rude. A civilisation borne on the premise of 'Dharma' attained through meditation/reflection is becoming so insecure that it leaves no space for thought. This insecurity is due to the rootlessness of the inhabitants of Bhartiyas. Our thoughts are a curious bag of abrahamic ideas of happiness through Possessions & सनातन civilisational inertia of त्याग, कर्म , पुरुषार्थ.
In true sense Sanatanis became masters of their own destiny after more than 800 years and we squandered it away by lapping up the narrative which west gave us. we not only adapted the clothing but are also trying to outdo them by killing our languages, narratives of modernity, commerce & justice. What an irony, I am writing in English.
Abrahamic faiths has given 4 constructs - Judaism, Christianity, Islam and the most recent & Potent one for India - Marxism. How shamelessly Marxists have changed the historical context & overall history of India is appalling to the very least but to the young calling themselves Liberal/Secular is the fashion statement without even understanding the nature of the beast.
This current establishment in India is truly the successor to the British government of India. The white men has been replaced by brown men under the same law and the agenda. I am at a stage where I don't know if I would like my children to grow or see myself grow old in this environment. Perhaps America today reflects more of the Dharmic traditions of Rule of law, Freedom of thought & religion, Separation of state & adherence to faith. it has become the last refuge of people with intellect & free thought.
I am reminded of story from our Purana. story of Chandrahaas. The story through song जिस नगरी मैं धर्म नहीं वहां क्यूँ रहना
http://www.sravi.com/music/download/audio/all/Ranvir_Singh_Vol_4/39%20Jis%20Nagari%20Me.mp3 …
मनोबुद्ध्यहङ्कार चित्तानि नाहं
न च श्रोत्रजिह्वे न च घ्राणनेत्रे ।न च व्योम भूमिर्न तेजो न वायुः
चिदानन्दरूपः शिवोऽहम् शिवोऽहम् ॥१॥
Mano-Buddhy-Ahangkaara Cittaani Naaham
Na Ca Shrotra-Jihve Na Ca Ghraanna-Netre |
Na Ca Vyoma Bhuumir-Na Tejo Na Vaayuh
Chid-Aananda-Ruupah Shivo[a-A]ham Shivo[a-A]ham ||1||
The other thing on my mind is the affection towards me and mine towards them. The unique situation that I am in, leads me to understand sometimes in life the things just are, "Sat astu" - Truth is. It has no meaning, no purpose. it simply exists, we give meaning to it. Same goes for my life & its sometimes very disheartening.
There is another aspect of life I am unable to change about people in my life. They believe purpose of my life is to fulfill their desires only and their's exist to fulfill mine. Any attempt to be with yourself is seen as affront or rude. A civilisation borne on the premise of 'Dharma' attained through meditation/reflection is becoming so insecure that it leaves no space for thought. This insecurity is due to the rootlessness of the inhabitants of Bhartiyas. Our thoughts are a curious bag of abrahamic ideas of happiness through Possessions & सनातन civilisational inertia of त्याग, कर्म , पुरुषार्थ.
In true sense Sanatanis became masters of their own destiny after more than 800 years and we squandered it away by lapping up the narrative which west gave us. we not only adapted the clothing but are also trying to outdo them by killing our languages, narratives of modernity, commerce & justice. What an irony, I am writing in English.
Abrahamic faiths has given 4 constructs - Judaism, Christianity, Islam and the most recent & Potent one for India - Marxism. How shamelessly Marxists have changed the historical context & overall history of India is appalling to the very least but to the young calling themselves Liberal/Secular is the fashion statement without even understanding the nature of the beast.
This current establishment in India is truly the successor to the British government of India. The white men has been replaced by brown men under the same law and the agenda. I am at a stage where I don't know if I would like my children to grow or see myself grow old in this environment. Perhaps America today reflects more of the Dharmic traditions of Rule of law, Freedom of thought & religion, Separation of state & adherence to faith. it has become the last refuge of people with intellect & free thought.
I am reminded of story from our Purana. story of Chandrahaas. The story through song जिस नगरी मैं धर्म नहीं वहां क्यूँ रहना
http://www.sravi.com/music/download/audio/all/Ranvir_Singh_Vol_4/39%20Jis%20Nagari%20Me.mp3 …
When I think all that & spiritual milieu I was reared in I come to accept that everything that is born must wither & die, Living beings, nations & even civilization. The cycle continues & I am just an observer but not a participant. I am on the sidelines fulfilling my own कर्म, protection of धर्मं .
My question about serving society or anyone simply drops. I have less questions every passing year. I have lesser answers too!
न मृत्युर्न शङ्का न मे जातिभेदः
पिता नैव मे नैव माता न जन्मः ।
न बन्धुर्न मित्रं गुरुर्नैव शिष्यं
चिदानन्दरूपः शिवोऽहम् शिवोऽहम् ॥५॥
पिता नैव मे नैव माता न जन्मः ।
न बन्धुर्न मित्रं गुरुर्नैव शिष्यं
चिदानन्दरूपः शिवोऽहम् शिवोऽहम् ॥५॥
Na Mrtyur-Na Shangkaa Na Me Jaati-Bhedah
Pitaa Naiva Me Naiva Maataa Na Janmah |
Na Bandhurna Mitram Gurur-Na-Iva Shissyam
Chid-Aananda-Ruupah Shivo[a-A]ham Shivo[a-A]ham ||5||
Neither am I bound by Death and its Fear, nor by the rules of Caste and its Distinctions,
Neither do I have Father and Mother, nor do I have Birth,
Neither do I have Relations nor Friends, neither Spiritual Teacher nor Disciple,
I am the Ever Pure Blissful Consciousness; I am Shiva, I am Shiva,
Pitaa Naiva Me Naiva Maataa Na Janmah |
Na Bandhurna Mitram Gurur-Na-Iva Shissyam
Chid-Aananda-Ruupah Shivo[a-A]ham Shivo[a-A]ham ||5||
Neither am I bound by Death and its Fear, nor by the rules of Caste and its Distinctions,
Neither do I have Father and Mother, nor do I have Birth,
Neither do I have Relations nor Friends, neither Spiritual Teacher nor Disciple,
I am the Ever Pure Blissful Consciousness; I am Shiva, I am Shiva,
The Ever Pure Blissful Consciousness.
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